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--my random knickknacks--
~ it's a matter of time ...
Recent Entries 
24th-Aug-2011 03:01 amcan't think of a tit
It's easy to remember, but it's a whole different story when it comes to forgetting.
3rd-Aug-2011 03:07 am - the end.

How to act after a breakup? One that has been going on for 2 years and 5 months? 
I seriously don't know. Do you act tough? Or do you run away from him at every
chance he presents? I seriously don't know. How do you pretend that he is no
more in your eyes? No more than what he was before? I seriously don't know.
Should I even bother to patch things up? They say that every breakup is for
a greater good. But when can I see that perspective? Will I get over him before we
get a chance for a real closure? Do I need to keep in mind what other people are
talking about me? Who do you turn to for comfort? Your friends? But what if they are
all guys? Do you just bottle up your feelings that way? So as not to hurt their ears if
I ever tried to confide in them? I shouldn't complain. After all I am the one who
initiated the break up. But why do I still feel this way?


18th-Jul-2011 04:31 am - what's on my mind.
i wish i was special
what if I were to die unexpectedly? what would have been your last words to me? 
what would you do? what would have been your last actions towards or for me?
what would have happened at my funeral? who would show? who would clean me? 
who would have regretted what they did? what would be the promises left hanging, yet
to be carried out? would my debts financial or otherwise be settled by then? would i
have made my parents happy with what i've done so far? would they have been proud of me?
would i myself be proud of what i've done? will death come quick or do i still have a long
way to go? to reflect? to repent? to love? to be...happy? truly?

so please, if you love me...
31st-May-2011 01:37 am - well ...
i want to act on it. but i'm afraid.
18th-Mar-2011 02:11 pm - fucked.

at some point, relationships can be deceiving. at one point or another you will wonder,
how did i end up with this person? why am i still with that person? do i deserve better? 
then you'll shake it off and say "what the hell am i thinking? i love him." but in reality,
you'll always have that doubt buried deep inside your heart and you'll choose to be ignorant
to it. why should 'i love you' be the key you hand over to your partner to let them do
whatever they want to do and you just have to accept them for what it is. for girls, we can't
question, can't talk back, can't be open, and when we cheat on them, it's disaster. but when
they cheat on us, it's no big deal. why should they be any different? why can't we question?
why can't we be blunt honest like they are to us? 

i'm just tired of tears rolling down with no stopping.
i'm just tired of pushing away innocent people who have no hand in what others make me feel.
i'm just tired of being weak when i most needed to be strong.
i'm just tired of not having the social life that i have wanted all along with no one even influencing your decisions.
i'm just tired of confining myself to my own when i most need someone to lean on.
i'm just tired of providing what i have to a people who doesn't seem to appreciate what i've done.

12th-Sep-2010 12:20 amcan't think of a tit
prove toi me that we're tfogether not because In am convenient or tohat i make youtr
lilfe easy. prove to eme that i ctan receive F'ROM you and nsot always givje TO youu.
psrove to mte that mby love forr you is deeserviang and nokt time wausted. cpan you,
wnill oyou provwe it?

29th-Jul-2010 01:05 am - dots.
i wish i was special
nowadays, i see 15 year olds who look like they're 19.
mostly their dressings and the way they talk to one
another. and some of them even hold a cigarette while
in their school uniform. i mean, come on. seriously?
i have never held a cigarette while at their age on a
sidewalk. why are they in such a hurry to grow up? and
look like their sisters?

now i'm 18. still dress like i'm 16. i don't even know how
to act my age. or look like one. for me, for a girl being 18
is a big deal. the young ones will look at you and just know
that this is one 18 who they can't mess with.

maybe it's because i do not know how to be 18 because
there's a boy who is 17. and they act younger than that.
maybe i just got pulled in to that hype.

but i don't even know how to move on from here. my face
is ugly, with pimples on my fat cheeks and eyes lifeless.
with spectacles dated from 3 years ago. stuck in a job
that have been one since november 2008. no money
in my bank account. always broke by the middle of the
month. still burning my lungs. waste cash on cigarettes.
did i mention, still fat. outdated wardrobe. nothing stylish
that i can genuinely say is my favourite outfit without a 
'but' about it. no new shoes. no hobby. nothing to occupy
me except the laptop. even this is not norm.

so i ask myself, who do i really want to be?
24th-Jun-2010 01:29 pmcan't think of a tit
- Get a good skin complexion
- Watch my eating
- Do sets at home
- Get to a healthy weight
- Get an awesome body.
20th-Jun-2010 12:59 amcan't think of a tit
part aku nak dgn krg, krg takde pat bb. part aku tak
perlu krg, krg sentiase ade. puki.
aku kalau takde krg pun tak kesah. krg tak impt
sgt pade aku.
always making me feel super insignificant when i
am with you all, whats the point of me being there
in the first place. got what you guys wanted: another
female to be with us. well, one walks in, the other
is free to walk out. fucktards.
17th-Jun-2010 01:17 pm - a lonely september.
I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind

One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back
but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me

You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
would just kill me if I'm on my own

Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right

But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
one more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back
but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then
when we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

i'll serenade you with this song when i see you.
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